Why does healing hurt before it feels better?
Two summers ago, I was thrown from my bike while crossing some rail tracks, injuring my knee. Blood was gushing from the wound, yet amidst the shock and adrenaline, I managed to muster enough mobility to seek help. It was only later that evening when my leg gave out, rendering me unable to move it for weeks, and it took months to fully recover. My body instinctively did what it needed to survive in that moment, but the subsequent healing process proved to be more agonizing than the initial injury itself.
Similarly, in the face of traumatic events, our mind/body is wired to shield itself from overwhelming stress, whether it be physical, emotional, or psychological. We often inadvertently dissociate or distance ourselves from such overwhelming experiences, detaching from the core emotions as a means of survival.
Suffering traumatic injuries results in a fragmentation of time and space, wherein our bodies fail to access the fight-or-flight responses, leaving us more susceptible to freeze, fawn, or collapse reactions, which can lead to dysregulation. Consequently, individuals may live with chronic pain, hypervigilance, numbness and emotional dissociation as a way of self protection long after.
Embodiment work is aimed at reintegrating fragmented experiences resulting from trauma. In cases of complex trauma, embodiment also involves addressing experiences that never occurred, such as missing childhood experiences that can cause existential grief. Embodiment entails confronting pain by experiencing the associated sensations in our bodies. It's like removing a blood-stained bandage, applying stinging alcohol, and extracting shards of glass; it's a process that can be intensely painful before healing begins.
If you've had therapy or are currently in therapy, you may be have started to to embody your feelings. This means facing parts of yourself that you've protected with numbness, dissociation, or limiting coping mechanisms. Embodying emotions involves acknowledging wounds that haven't healed properly, which can unexpectedly resurface as you address them for the first time. It includes sitting with discomfort, examining your relationships, recognizing habitual coping patterns, and addressing previously unconscious beliefs that have shaped your survival.
In your healing journey, it's not about rehearsing the story or understanding why things happened, but about witnessing the painful emotions as they unfold and integrate in your body, so they can finally be felt without fear and judgement.
Regardless of where you are in your journey, trust that your timing is right. Sometimes, you have the capacity to sit with your pain, while other times, just getting through the day is an achievement. Trauma-informed therapy can provide tools to manage distress without re-triggering the trauma, connecting you with the strengths and wisdom you have cultivated in the present. However, it doesn’t mean it won’t hurt any less, but it will get better the more you meet the pain.
With courage,
Shaila