Has this happened to you? Are you stuck with trying to find gratitude for the dissatisfaction of your unmet needs? Welcome to the band-aid sold to us as “positivity”. Sometimes it sounds like “...If only I could just let go" or “I wish I could just be more grateful”. There isn’t anything wrong with finding the silver lining in life. However, many popular spiritual/therapeutic practices often focus on releasing or forms of catharsis instead of dealing with the roots of suffering...unfortunately, this is a limiting defense mechanism to tolerate distress. There is a long-term cost for tolerating dissatisfaction, yet society gives us messages and praises us for being “resilient”, aka compliant.

I have learned a great deal in working with my clients. I work on their somatic experiences to find the tension that is being held just underneath the words. This is where new actions and the possibility to change our patterns from coping ..towards finding and acting on our true needs. This is where friction that shows up as agitation, anxiety, and tension can be helpful to uncover.

We don't need the mindset or motivation to acknowledge our need for change or improve a situation. Our somatic experience holds our friction, this gateway can give us an opportunity to uncover emotional needs and boundaries

For example, say someone used racial microaggression to keep you small. Your embodied pattern might be trying to escape the situation in order to protect yourself. However, it is only when you sense your feelings of anger, and disappointment related to this feeling of belittlement, does that boundary have enough permission inside of you to be held.

Feeling into our friction can give you hints and clues of what actions need to be taken to meet our needs...and our true DESIRES. This is the power of somatics, the little internal cues that your body is flagging, when there is an inconsistency between thought and action. You can always revert to your embodied patterns, by ignoring the call to change, by overriding it or by pretending it doesn't exist. Or, you can become curious and trust your internal signposts. These are often deeper desires that have not yet expressed themselves yet. This is where I can help. I can work with those parts of you that are no longer willing just to cope, that are looking to step into a life of authentic fulfillment.

This relationship isn't working for me anymore, I feel stuck....

It feels exhausting to wait another year to prove myself for this promotion...

I love being a parent, but it would be so much easier if I had some actual help…

I am grateful to have a roof over my head, but I feel cramped, and wish for more living space...

Somatic inqiry allows for a deeper listen to the frictions our bodies hold. When there is an alignment with our thoughts, feelings and embodied knowing, it can provide us guidance on when we need to break, nourish ourselves, set better boundaries, dream bigger and no longer settle for less. If you struggle with normalizing your desires beyond what you’ve accepted as a tolerable life, I highly recommend this article by Kasia Urbaniak as a good starting place.

In my private practice, I work deeper on core wounds, experiences of trauma, and internal and external oppression that may have prevented you from connecting to your knowing. I use several somatic practices (e.g. parts-work, sensorimotor psychotherapy, expressive arts therapies, and dance/movement therapy) to empower the parts of you ready to change.

May all of us live from our vivacious and most authentic selves.

Befriending Friction - Somatically sensing into our true needs